Who Am I?

By Andrea Eliasson 

 

The moment struck me out of the blue. These moments sneak up on me when I least expect them.

I was making my college-aged son’s bed (yes, I still do that occasionally) when I noticed his calendar. It wasn’t the year, month, or day that I noticed, it was the position of where the calendar hung. It was in the same place where I hung it sixteen years ago. It was just the right height for a six-year-old little boy to cross off each day with his little crayon.

This moment was just another reminder that my job is almost over. The job that I have had for the past twenty-five years. The job that has given me my identity, or so I thought.

Before my husband and I married, I expressed to him my desire to be a stay-at-home mom if we were to have children. My husband honored my wish, and I quit my job a week before my first child was born. For the past twenty-five years, I have been caring for my family and homeschooling my children. I identified as a homeschool mom of three. That all changed though when my last child graduated from high school.

So, now who am I? What is my purpose? What is my job?

I tried finding a job but found it discouraging when I was rejected several times due to my long stay at home. This only added to my identity crisis.

After my last child started her freshman year at college, I found myself with many very quiet days. Days in which I had time to talk to myself, but mostly to wrap myself in God’s Word and talk to Him.

Who am I? This was the question I kept struggling to answer.

My thoughts went back to my Christian elementary school’s catechism.

Who made you? God made me.

What else did God make? God made all things.

Why did God make you and all things? God made me and all things for His own glory.

. . . For His own glory. I thought then of Psalm 139 verses 1-18, focusing on verses 13 and 14. “For it was You who created my inward parts; You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I will praise You because I have been remarkably and wonderfully made.” (HCSB)

So, I have been created by God for His own glory. I am not a mistake. I am a deliberate creation of God.

As a young girl, I realized I was a sinner and in need of a Savior. I asked Jesus to forgive me of my sin and save me, and He did! (John 3:16)

Focusing on the fact that I am created by God for His glory and now the fact that I am accepted into God’s family, my identity was beginning to take shape in my mind.

Okay, so as a created child of God, what is my purpose? It all goes back to glorifying God. The catechism questions continue with:

How can I glorify God? I can glorify God by loving Him and doing what He commands. (I John 5:3)

How do I know what that looks like? By immersing myself in scripture. By hearing God’s Word taught and preached by godly people. By observing and listening to others who are following God’s way.

As the light came on in my mind and the peace settled in my heart, I realized I am not just a homeschool mom of three, I am a remarkably and wonderfully made creation of God that is here on earth to glorify God.

So, when those reminders hit me that one part of my life is finished, with JOY I can remember that it is okay. That part of my life was just a service to my Lord, a way to glorify Him.

I am excited now to see where God leads. My prayer is that I can say like Paul in Philippians 4:11 that “I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.” (ESV)

Andrea Eliasson is wife to Brian and a "former" homeschool mom of three. She lives in the upstate of South Carolina where you can find her baking, working in her garden, or hiking in the mountains. She serves with her husband in ministry at their local church.